I attended a funeral yesterday. It was for a young man, 22, who had died because of someone else's poor decisions. It was a very sad occasion. It has made me think a lot about my life, the person I am, what I want to achieve.
The thing that this young man was remembered for most was the way he treated other people. They talked a lot about how he made everyone feel like his best friend. He rejoiced in their good times and sorrowed for their struggles. I don't know that he was the model man for daily scripture study and prayer, he didn't serve a mission, he had tattoos. He had weaknesses. But he lived a life of love. He expressed often to his parents his love and gratitude for them. He put his arm around his friends and rallied for them. He always jumped in to help the underdog. He was remembered for the way he loved others. That was the tribute they paid to this young man who life was taken before anyone dreamed possible.
It got me thinking about my own life. It is not uncommon for people to think and wonder, or even pose the question: what do you want people to remember you for? But this is the first time it has stayed with me for awhile and hopefully made a lasting change. I thought about what I would be remembered for. I got scared that if I died right now I'd be remembered for my diligence. I'm very good at being diligent when it comes to habits. From the time I was a young teenager until the day I got married, I wrote in my journal EVERY SINGLE DAY. I didn't miss a day for over 5 years. Not a single day. I also read my scripture EVERY SINGLE DAY during the time. It didn't matter if I was going to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, it didn't matter if I was sleeping somewhere else, I did it. That same trait has followed into my marriage and my family. John and I read scriptures and pray together. We do family prayers and scripture study as a family, as well as FHE. I can't say that it has been every single day, but we are pretty consistent.
I'm not knocking those things. I know there is great power in scripture study and prayer. I know blessings come when those things are done individually, as a couple, and as a family. I know those things are important. But as I've pondered this young man's death and my own life, I've had some personal insights. The purpose in life is not to get all those boxes checked off. When I die and go to heaven, God isn't going to pull out my chart and see how many days I missed. These things are not an end in themselves. Checking those boxes off each day are meant to pull us closer toward a greater purpose. We do these things for a reason. What is the why behind all the boxes I try meticulously to check off?
To be like Christ. That is what really matters. We read our scriptures and say our prayers and do all those things we are told to do so that we as individuals and as families will think, act, and BE like the Savior. And the chief characteristic of the Savior is love. Pure, unconditional love. What good does it do me to check off my boxes each day if I fail to love those around me? Really love them. Actively love them. Reach out to them without concern for myself.
Diligence or Charity? I want charity. When my time on this earth is done, I want to be remembered for loving people. I want to be remembered as someone who made you feel loved and valued and important. It is too easy for me to get distracted by all the boxes I feel I need to check off.
God has said that if we will turn to him, He can make our weaknesses into strengths. This is an area where I am weak. But I desperately want to change. I don't want this to be a nice idea that passes through my mind before the week is through. I want my nature to seriously be changed. I want to be filled with charity. I want it not to be something I do, but something that I am.
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