Thursday, April 16, 2009

Will it be enough?

So I was feeling discouraged lately and trying to pinpoint the reason. I decided it wasn't the busyness of my life. I like being busy and I find satisfaction and joy in the things I'm doing. But I realized it centered more around the fact that I was always feeling as though I was falling short in all of my responsibilities. It just seemed like I was always thinking of all these other things I could be doing as a wife, a mother, a YW pres, an individual. So I started wondering why that was so discouraging, why was thinking about different things I could be doing upsetting? I realized that it centered around the question, "Will it be enough." The list of good things we could be doing in our lives is endless. Of course we can't do them all. So why do we stress out about it. Ultimately for me, what it really comes down to is wondering if what I am doing as a mother will be enough for my children to gain their own testimonies, to establish a relationship with their Savior, to be responsible, kind, wise, loving adults, to develop their gifts and talents. Is what I am doing as a wife enough for John to know that I love him, is it enough for him to feel supported, enough for us to stay close to each other. Is what I am doing with the Young Women in our ward enough to strengthen them, to help them be strong in resisting temptation, to build their testimonies and faith, to believe that they are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves them? Is what I am doing right now as an individual enough to develop my own gifts and talents, is it enough to show the Lord my gratitude for all that He has given me, is it enough my Him to be pleased with me? That is what I really worry about. It isn't really about all the different things I could/should/want to be adding to my day. What I really care about is if it is enough. And that is where faith comes in. I truly believe that the Lord led and directed my life so that I would be in my exact circumstances right now, so that I would have the kids I do, with the ages they are, so that I would be in this calling in this particular ward, etc. I have had many experiences where the Spirit has testified to me that those things are true. I also believe that the Lord can strengthen me and magnify my time and effort so that I can accomplish whatever he requires of me. I loved in general conference when they talked about how there is such a thing as overdoing. That the Lord will accept that which is enough. I have faith in the Lord that He has placed me in the circumstances I am in, that He can guide and direct me, that He can strengthen and magnify the things that I do so that it will be enough. When I realized that, the discouragement went away. I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for helping me to realize the truth of the situation I am in. And I'm grateful that if I trust the Lord, rely on Him, and seek His guidance in how I spend my time and energies, that the answer will be yes. Yes, it is enough.

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