Awhile ago, I read something about how motherhood is holy. The first presidency said, "Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." As each of my children have entered the world, I've felt that holiness. There are few things holier than holding a spirit who has just entered the world. I've felt it at other times too. It might be a night when all my children are sleeping and I go to kiss them goodnight. Sometimes I feel it when my children are overflowing with love for me. There are definitely a lot of times I've felt that being a mother is a holy service. Until a few months ago though, all those times were related to times when mothering was peaceful, easy, sweet, etc. When my children were happy, calm, and loving. But this thing I read really made me think. What about all the times when things were hard? What about the times when my 3 year old is throwing a massive tantrum? What about the times when she doesn't want to go to nursery? What about the times when my 7 year old is whining and complaining about insignificant stuff? What about the times when I have to go fulfill my church responsibilities and I have 4 children running out the door crying because mommy is leaving? What about the times when my kids don't want to eat their dinner? What about the times when I'm getting up for the 10th time in the middle of the night? What about the times when my 5 year old doesn't want to go to dance class? What about the times when I think I'm going to go crazy if I see another dirty dish or load of laundry? What about the times when I'm trying to pay bills or accomplish some other task only to have a 1 year old climbing all over me and throwing paper and envelopes all over the floor? You get the picture. There are a lot of times when mothering is hard. There are a lot of times when as a mother, you don't know what to do. There are a lot of times when mothering stretches you way past what you thought were your limits.
"Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." Did this only apply to the easy times, the times where it was easy for anyone around to feel the holiness that can be a part of motherhood? Or was there holiness to be found in every second of motherhood? Was there holiness lurking in tantrums, in messes, in disciplining, in mistakes and bad choices? I thought about this a lot. First, it was simple pondering, and then it turned into asking, and then it turned into seeking. I found myself uttering over and over a simple prayer of "Help me find the holiness" when I had a child in a meltdown, when I felt like I had zero patience left in dealing with a tired, whiny child, when I felt overwhelmed in maintaining our home. And I can now say with all the conviction in my being that there is holiness in those moments. Maybe even more holiness than the moments that instantly come to mind when we think of motherhood being holy. But what I've learned is that it only presents itself when I'm seeking for it, and responding in a way that allows it to come to light.
"Help me find the holiness." Can I just say how much that simple plea has changed me? I am a different mother. I can't give you a big life-changing experience that happened with my children as a result of this. But motherhood is not about the large events. It is about the details. The other day, I was taking my three year old to nursery. She was tired. She didn't want to go by herself. I was supposed to go to my class. I told her she could come with me, but reminded her there wouldn't be any toys, etc. She didn't want to go to class with me. She didn't want to stay in nursery. She didn't want to leave nursery. She wanted what she couldn't have: she wanted me to stay in nursery with her. And after a few minutes of this going on, my 20 month old was starting to follow her lead. I was trying everything I could think of, nothing was working, and I was getting frustrated. I found myself instinctively asking, "Help me find the holiness." Immediately, immediately my whole attitude, feelings, thoughts, everything, changed. I changed. Nothing changed with my tired, insatiable 3 year old. She didn't suddenly decide to stay and be happy about it. She was in the exact same place. But I wasn't. I had changed. I knelt down with her filled with love instead of frustration, and reminded her of all the things she liked in nursery. And THEN she changed. She went right in and didn't even look back.
Like I said, it was a simple experience. But it felt like the final straw on the heap of evidence that made me realize the answer is yes. There is holiness in those moments. And if I seek God's help, I can find it.
